I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Randomize
