TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
