dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
