ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
