My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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