I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
True strength comes from lack of pants
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Randomize
