She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
