So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
My dick has a subreddit
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
