THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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