We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
