we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
