i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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