yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
