Whod you bang
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
