WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
