I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Randomize
