Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
