You can't motorboat a personality
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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