Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
