Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
