look no pants
Apparently you make a good broom.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
