Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
