when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
