Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
