i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
