There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
