I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
