so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
