i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
as a side note pls kill me
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