did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
