I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
