i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Randomize
