Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
