even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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