hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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