i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
