i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
