I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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