I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
