walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i wish my penis had a tongue
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
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