I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
