the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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