you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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