So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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