I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
