TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
