She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
