you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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