I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
