I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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